Grayscale in a Jar
hateball88:

Containers Village. Matte Painting

A rebagel of an amazing illustrator/concept artist/etc. Somehow found me, follows, and now I follow him. It reminds me just how amazing art can be, where it can go, and where I might be one day.

hateball88:

Containers Village. Matte Painting

A rebagel of an amazing illustrator/concept artist/etc. Somehow found me, follows, and now I follow him. It reminds me just how amazing art can be, where it can go, and where I might be one day.

modflame:

I’m sure, as is becoming usual, people will ignore this and shrug it off and just say “leave him alone until this blows over.” No one takes me seriously at this point anyway, but I need to say what I need to say. Regardless of if I’m ignored by the people who claim to care for me or not.

Not…

Most of what I wrote prior seems applicable here. Especially in that our experiences are equal, though I am just a bit older, and seem to have adjusted…kind of. I am writing this at work presently.
Of your art and art fans, everybody makes connections by what they do. Though that is also the problem: you are stuck sifting through endless acquaintances that make you feel more alone by odd lack of interest.
The only thing constant in life is change, as things are transient. It is not that your ideals are wrong, it is that you haven’t found that depth from anyone else - yet. Do not model your life by the idiocracy of masses, it will make you more miserable.
As for attention, so? You need something you aren’t getting and drawing attention to it may find the solution. Or the start of one.

But, well, maybe I am wrong and you don’t particularly like an odd stranger suddenly acting like he cares? I would get that too, but at some point solipsism has to give way to finding something real to you.

A very quick sketch I did just now for Tyrant. Because why not and he’s a cuteponi.

A very quick sketch I did just now for Tyrant. Because why not and he’s a cuteponi.

The biggest lie we’re told by society is that there are people who are capable of caring for others unconditionally

modflame:

The idea of a friend who cares for you as much as themselves for no reason at all is a sick fantasy.

Romantic notions of unconditional love cause problems, while failing to embrace depth of feeling. Rather a person who truly understands you? Unconditional means it does not matter who you are, for you could be Hitler. Rather better they truly get you, and like  you for it?

A friend is a problem when two do not share the meaning. For me, “friend” means family, but in doing so implies innate social cohesion. Things may change of these persons, but they are family to me. I imagine you agree, or have.

Now I see you are getting replies “Well I do!” in nature, to which only I can think “Well bully for you then?” because it’s like telling a depressed person how to be happy. Just, “well bully for you for being lucky, as if that helps me.”

I see humanity as shared suffering, and wish to help if possible.. More than myself? To me that must mean they are greater than me, which requires a very deep understanding not gained quickly. Who knows if I like you or not once I know you.

People who share your view of what a “friend” is do exist, but anyone who truly knows what such feeling is cannot buy in to romantic idealizations like “unconditional” love - for that cheapens love. Treats it as a thing to always be given equivalently with no real value. All human emotions should be valuable, and the deeper the harder earned. I am sorry you have found it so difficult so far.

WORK IN PROGRESS. Decided to upload what I have so far because this is going to be a multi-day painting to try and _really_ flesh out details.Normally I throw in quick paintings in-between practicing other things. This time I decided to do all of that. When finished it will also include ponies.Don’t worry, though, I’ll have multiple versions uploaded including the individual ponies themselves (which I am drawing separately, and downsizing where appropriate, so I can practice ponies too).

WORK IN PROGRESS. Decided to upload what I have so far because this is going to be a multi-day painting to try and _really_ flesh out details.

Normally I throw in quick paintings in-between practicing other things. This time I decided to do all of that. When finished it will also include ponies.

Don’t worry, though, I’ll have multiple versions uploaded including the individual ponies themselves (which I am drawing separately, and downsizing where appropriate, so I can practice ponies too).

Sometimes when life has you down, you start holding yourself down. It’s so tempting to beat yourself up over not “drawing well”, and entirely forget there’s a world of things all inside your mind. They don’t judge, they just are, and are happy to achieve existence either way. “Thank you, for drawing me.”
I think more people should try to do sceneries and things like that. When you draw “characters”, especially, it’s almost impossible to make your intellect shut up. Then you draw like somebody is watching over your shoulder. As if who you draw is judging you. But when you draw a world, well, what’s intellect to say? Do you think the tree cares how I drew it? No. The tree’s just happy to be there. What, going to make the tree talk? I didn’t think so!

Sometimes when life has you down, you start holding yourself down. It’s so tempting to beat yourself up over not “drawing well”, and entirely forget there’s a world of things all inside your mind. They don’t judge, they just are, and are happy to achieve existence either way. “Thank you, for drawing me.”

I think more people should try to do sceneries and things like that. When you draw “characters”, especially, it’s almost impossible to make your intellect shut up. Then you draw like somebody is watching over your shoulder. As if who you draw is judging you. But when you draw a world, well, what’s intellect to say? Do you think the tree cares how I drew it? No. The tree’s just happy to be there. What, going to make the tree talk? I didn’t think so!

To be abundantly clear

This blog will, again, be NSFW at points. I draw. Drawing nudity and such is also part of art I wish to explore. Be it human or otherwise.

So, I am sorry to say, this is not a tumblr for Christian puritan values on sex.

Grayscale does tricks. Look ma, I’m Anthro!

Grayscale does tricks. Look ma, I’m Anthro!

Who wants a cup?

Who wants a cup?

You Aren’t A Placeholder On This Road

jykinturah:

    It’s four in the morning.

Read More



Nobody grows out of self discovery. The journey is life itself. You walk, then suddenly realizing you’ve not paid attention to where you had been. Lucidity is this moment of mind where you reform your narrative; form a crossroad. Narratives, though artificial, construct the story of “you”.

Between the “Mechanicus” demands of your “being”, which is apathetic about a thing designated “Jyk”, you have to find your road. In a world detached desirous and demanding of automaton work, demented and damning even itself to mindless work of servitude, the truth is we cannot become its placeholders. We cannot be this unfeeling thing for the mechanica of the world to grind gear unto gear with.

You’re bothering because you do have hopes. Be they hopes of only a being encircling a sun for a second of cosmic time, yet the sun too shall pass. All things are transient, and in a universe of transience there is nothing of greater value than that one. That one being, on that one star, on that unimportant planet. The mote of dust on the beach of the universe we call home, where on stories are formed and re-formed.

I could say all this practically. In solid terms. Yet your own writing wishes to find some symbolism to “explain” what you feel. Even were I wrong in all above, then perhaps with ideas alone and thus fuel for more you find something akin to a road you want to travel. With things you wish to see, and travelers you wish to meet.

"Quasimodo and the Mirror."Ever wonder how he felt when he first saw his own reflection?Also, man, drawing “ugly” is not only immensely difficult, but…the most beautiful work of art you can ever attempt. I want to draw more ugly things. It’s paradoxically more beautiful than anything else in life.

"Quasimodo and the Mirror."

Ever wonder how he felt when he first saw his own reflection?

Also, man, drawing “ugly” is not only immensely difficult, but…the most beautiful work of art you can ever attempt. I want to draw more ugly things. It’s paradoxically more beautiful than anything else in life.

Man. The thing about experimenting is that things get very uh. Experimental.Jethro, the awesome dude, from The Prince of Egypt. God Damn I want to re-do that story one day. NEVER focuses on the interbrother conflict enough. Oh well.
Oh and that song “through heavens eyes” is why.

Man. The thing about experimenting is that things get very uh. Experimental.

Jethro, the awesome dude, from The Prince of Egypt. God Damn I want to re-do that story one day. NEVER focuses on the interbrother conflict enough. Oh well.

Oh and that song “through heavens eyes” is why.

Where I think a thing

Lets see a duality. One hand, a dream wherein you lose yourself in the universe. Stars, galaxies, unknown unknowns, impossible expanses and inconceivable smallness. I could be lost in the universe inside my mind, then become it. To such an end, what am I? MUST I be this human thing? I close my eyes and I am a child in a thing of wonderment to wonder at. Beyond the universe - what is it we call imagination? What is it we are making? We can, somehow, ADD TO the universe thinking things that cannot possibly be within it. That’s. Fucking fantastic.

In the other hand, pain. Depression. Sadness of life. Terrifying recurring nightmares. Mortal peril. Agony screaming, clawing bloody fingers against brick walls, chained with fetters forged of human bone ground by human hands to their bone. This chain forged, link by link, pounded with the feet of marching soldiers and shaped by subtle cunning of ends justifying means, to be cooled in waters red of our blood by the blacksmith of death. Death we gave birth to for ourselves. To forge death unto ourselves. This…creature can only scream. This is what we build for ourselves. Unsurprisingly I’ve had chronic nightmares for years now. Every night. Every. Single. Night.

It is not that I am depressed. No. It’s that I, this creature, the bizarre in-between hairless ape, I am only here. I can only be what I am allowed to be, given choices I am allowed to make, and barbarically punished otherwise. What do the pilgrims of a better society do when there is no land to pilgrimage to? Rot in prison - that’s what. Nowhere on Earth now is forming a new society legal. Nowhere. Humankinds reinvention is dead - and now that blacksmith blows his bellows at all hours.

This is humanity to me. So far. A shared suffering and joy we cannot yet share, lacking means to do so, and only looking beyond saying “There’s something THERE. WHY can’t I SEE the damn thing!”


darkflame7:

mlpartconfessions:
There are so many popular artists that are really inspiring, but it’s really difficult to get to talk to them or get a response past the common “Thank you!” I know they are busy and sure to get many messages about admiration and inspiration, but it’d be nice to talk to them and have real, fun conversations. I feel like I’ll always be outside of this popular tumblr art circle who only really talk amongst themselves and art with each other.

You know, I used to feel exactly the same way as the OP. The art community seemed like a bunch of good friends on high who did art stuff together and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But as I’ve personally grown in popularity and met many of these people, I’ve found that it’s just not true. Sure there are some skype chats and a few close friends here and there, but there is no central “art community” or clique, or if there is I still haven’t found it. I suppose it’s possible that there used to be, but I really don’t think that such a supposedly tight-knit group would have dissolved so easily. So I can see where OP is coming from, but there’s really nothing special from “up here.” It’s still up to you to go and make friends. The main difference is that there are a lot of people who want to be your friend but you can’t possibly get to know them all.

It seems remarking on loneliness and isolation. From both ends. People like me can’t seem to find ways to “connect”. Just from the perspective of the isolationist camp, nothing ever seems to work. Some people, like me, do see them as “cliques” because it’s almost like observing magic - people spontaneously develop a dialogue and you can’t figure out why.
This is different from people trying to befriend every popular artist. That’s just silly. Rather, trying to befriend people in general who seem to be like you. I’ve more than once attempted to do so on Skype, for example, to have it 100% one-sided and just give up. Since I can’t seem to make it work.
Especially on my side, people like myself, who just started drawing or posting publicly. You want to “get out there” but even your friends advice doesn’t work. What do you do? It’s also ironic because, more often than not, the people “isolated” can’t even find one another. It’s a troubling thing I’ve observed for many years.

darkflame7:

mlpartconfessions:

There are so many popular artists that are really inspiring, but it’s really difficult to get to talk to them or get a response past the common “Thank you!” I know they are busy and sure to get many messages about admiration and inspiration, but it’d be nice to talk to them and have real, fun conversations. I feel like I’ll always be outside of this popular tumblr art circle who only really talk amongst themselves and art with each other.

You know, I used to feel exactly the same way as the OP. The art community seemed like a bunch of good friends on high who did art stuff together and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But as I’ve personally grown in popularity and met many of these people, I’ve found that it’s just not true. Sure there are some skype chats and a few close friends here and there, but there is no central “art community” or clique, or if there is I still haven’t found it. I suppose it’s possible that there used to be, but I really don’t think that such a supposedly tight-knit group would have dissolved so easily.

So I can see where OP is coming from, but there’s really nothing special from “up here.” It’s still up to you to go and make friends. The main difference is that there are a lot of people who want to be your friend but you can’t possibly get to know them all.

It seems remarking on loneliness and isolation. From both ends. People like me can’t seem to find ways to “connect”. Just from the perspective of the isolationist camp, nothing ever seems to work. Some people, like me, do see them as “cliques” because it’s almost like observing magic - people spontaneously develop a dialogue and you can’t figure out why.

This is different from people trying to befriend every popular artist. That’s just silly. Rather, trying to befriend people in general who seem to be like you. I’ve more than once attempted to do so on Skype, for example, to have it 100% one-sided and just give up. Since I can’t seem to make it work.

Especially on my side, people like myself, who just started drawing or posting publicly. You want to “get out there” but even your friends advice doesn’t work. What do you do? It’s also ironic because, more often than not, the people “isolated” can’t even find one another. It’s a troubling thing I’ve observed for many years.

I seriously need to go get my antidepressant refilled.

It’s nice remembering I was like this most of my life - and I wonder why I never did anything. How could I?

I seriously need to go get my antidepressant refilled.

It’s nice remembering I was like this most of my life - and I wonder why I never did anything. How could I?